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Saturday, August 1, 2015

Bandage Suit & Atlas

Looks like I'll have regular internet for a while, but I'm not sure how long that'll last. In the meanwhile, I intend to post all the outfits I've got stored up.

I didn't go swimming in this, but I had just taken a shower and I saw it in my drawer and wanted to try it on again. One thing led to another and before I knew it, I'd taken pics of myself. 
Whenever I see nice pictures of my body, I get a burst of pride. I spent most of my life thinking I was overweight, I drove myself to anorexia up until I was 17. But I love my body, and I want to continue to eat healthy and exercise to keep it in tip top shape. 

I adore this swimsuit. It was also cheaper than you may imagine. Way cheaper. Like, fifteen bucks online, from China. It’s tricky to put on, sometimes, and I haven’t worn it to a pool yet for reasons I won’t explain—no, I’m not self-conscious of my weight. I know I look great in the suit, and I've no compunctions with the suit itself, but I have my reasons.
It’s so sexy. I just love it. I bought it a year ago, and I admire it every time I open a drawer. 

Aaaand you can see my wall of hats and glasses. My room is coming along very slowly. It looks like your average teen's room as of currently, a fact that annoys me, because (though most of my life I've been berft of bedrooms) I've always had an organized, immaculate room. But right now I only have a bed, the snake cages and my bookshelves, and I haven't gotten a desk or a proper dresser. I know I should be downsizing, since the military could call on me any moment, but I've been living in such lack these past two years especially, so I want to indulge myself a bit. If I made all my summer decisions based on what the military might do (and has failed to do yet), I wouldn't have bought my snakes, my camera, the clothes I have, etc. People kept asking me why I kept buying stuff, and I couldn't explain it to the right, but now that it's August and the military has shown no signs of calling on me yet, it's pretty much emphasized my reasons. It's bad enough I didn't get a job in April, I sorely regret that. I wouldn't have had to worry about gas, and more than anything, I wouldn't have gone hungry. Since early June we'd been eating off canned food, and all I ate was peanut butter, beans, tea, and fruit. Logically I recognize that this diet is probably more healthy than the one I favor, but it was highly unpleasant. We even had to eat some meat that was donated to us, a fact I despise, but god I was hungry. I woke up famished and went to bed famished, despite eating constantly. The canned food just wasn't cutting it. I had some gum and candy from a few years ago, before we lost our house, which I reserved and ate sparingly, to boost my morale. Soon we ran out of peanut butter and beans, and the fruit was well on its way. The sugar was gone, so no coffee or tea, thus whenever I went to Starbucks, the bank or anywhere else and they had a coffee setup, I always took more than my share, to bring back home. I was so hungry that I went around the house scrounging up coins to buy a doughnut, the thing I knew would be cheapest at a store. And I ate it with gusto. 
I must have lost ten pounds, but I don't own a scale, since I believe they're self defeating for women.
But the past week has been a major improvement. We went to a foodshelf and got a bit of extra money, so I've been eating like a queen. Yesterday I had a 3 dollar veggie burger, and today I got a cheap coffee. Granted, I constantly have to tear bits of mold off our bread, and today I had to make a smoothie with all the fruit, since it was on the verge of going sour and fruit flies were buzzing, but I'm in no position to complain, because I'm not hungry.
When you're hungry and then suddenly not, the world becomes a beautiful place. 
Life is much harder when you're hungry. 

Look at this tiny little 350sq ft house!

I swear to God China is on crack. 

Since Catching Fire came out, we all know the movie concluded with Coldplay playing "Atlas" in the credits. But what we may not know is that Coldplay is a British rock band that has been playing since the 90s. A boy band, to be exact. Because loosely defined, demographic audience aside, any band consisting solely young men up to age 30 is considered a boyband. 
Anyway, great song. 

I'm very excited and nervous for the future. I want to peek ahead a few years and see what my life is like, skip all the drama, but I know success is more enjoyable when there's a journey behind it. 

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