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Friday, April 17, 2015

After a Fashion (pun intended) & Changes

I feel like I looked Russian. I think it's the flowers in my hair.








Past few days, I haven't put anything in my Happy Jar.

They say that if you don't laugh over and again at the same joke, you shouldn't cry over and again at the same heartbreak. But emotions aren't bees that die when they sting you once. They're wasps.

"Dear Straight People."
Denice Frohman

I love Frohman so much. She's fantastic. 

Sabrina Benaim
"Explaining My Depression To My Mother."

I wasn't going to feature this song, because I only recently fell in love with it.
But it kind of saved me for a moment. I haven't had a crash in a long time, but I saw a picture of a friend sharing an activity with her new best friend that we used to do as kids. I felt like Mary Jane when Spiderman shared their upside-down kiss with some new girl. And I suddenly felt lonely, and afraid for the future and how to keep relationships, and how to continue leading a fulfilling life. And suddenly this song came on and I realized that there's nothing wrong with the things that have been happening in my life. We couldn't stay friends forever. I'm moving out of Alaska soon, moving away from home. I'm growing up. Linda's in a better place now. I'm going to graduate. I'm going to publish a book. I won't always be living below the poverty line. If I hadn't lost everything in 2013, I wouldn't have this strength of forbearance I have now, and these great stories I've written--and really, I didn't even lose much. Yeah, I've got only a few friends, and I hardly get to go out and have fun, but I'll meet tons of new, amazing people to brighten my life, and soon I'll get to start my career in the military. These are just changes, and for a moment that felt okay. I feel okay. 
Panic! At the Disco
"That Green Gentleman."


~Ash

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