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Monday, March 9, 2015

Goth Morn & Insomniatic

This is actually a very poor excuse for an outfit. I just didn't know what to wear. I think if I owned a fishnet T, I'd wear that under this shirt. 
It was super gloomy this day. It was lightly drizzling, and dew had made wooden fences and posts around the campground damp. The sky was pallid and dismal, shades of grey that drained the color of everything beneath it; there was also fog, and sparse patches of brown-green grass and melted snow, with crumpled, dead leaves from the previous winter speckled about. The trees around were leafless and gnarled and dead looking. It was so creepily beautiful, I wanted to take a picture, but I didn't think my camera would do the scenery justice. I'm kind of disappointed in myself. It would have been the perfect background for an outfit. 
Being a photographer, I think I really ought to try to take more pictures of my daily life. 
But I suppose this is only the beginning of my life. I've got at least another 60 years to make up for lost time, long as I don't start smoking or get murdered.

I'm so irritated with myself. I had another presentation for my class.
I even had a group to do it with. But I was nervous for it. I'm pretty sure I got half credit. 
UGH it makes me so mad! Logically, I know there's nothing to be afraid of. Practically no one cares about the subject, no one is looking at me really, I know all these people, no one is going to judge me, and even if they did, I don't care. But my freaking heart starts hammering and my hands get clammy, and I realized my voice does this thing where it gets rougher and deeper when I'm nervous. It's kind of interesting, that reaction--like, it gets throatier, like I'm getting over a cold. But that aside, it's so effing annoying to be nervous when I'm not nervous! I don't understand where my fear comes from!
I'd ask my mom--she's usually quite insightful--but she'll probably tell me I'm self-conscious and I have emotional problems and bla bla bla, which I'm really done hearing from her. 
I'm 18--I'm not perfect, and hell, Rome wasn't built in a day. We all have problems, mom. Even Jesus probably had a tick. Welcome to humanity.

Whack a kitty!

And now babies can swim, which kind of gives me a virtual heart attack.
Bear with me, this time last year I couldn't swim.

I'm feeling especially lazy.
So here's Aly & AJ's "Potential Breakup," from their album Insomniatic. 


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