Once again, my schedule is wonderful. I have drawing and design, textile, and photography, and during lunch I can do pottery or practice the piano.
My day was pretty good, but toward the end I did something I know I shouldn't have; I went to the facebook page of someone I knew and looked at her accomplishments. Last I saw her, she graduated early over a year ago, started doing beauty pageants and enlisted in the Air Force. She's even acting in movies as an extra. That wouldn't bother me, but when I look at the people she's met, the places she's been, the conventions and things she's attended, it kind of makes me ache. It always does, when I look at other's facebooks.
My life's been a far cry from great. Okay, my life's been a tumbling downward spiral from the beginning. Most days it's easy to ignore the past, to see possibilities in my future, to say to myself “Next year will be wonderful.” But when I’m around people who seem to be rocketing through life, who are privileged, wealthy, gifted, living a life full of potential and opportunity, their wake drenched in beauty, it makes mine feel dull and empty. I know they were born into it, just like I was born into this life. But I still look at the stars and wonder why I was born at the opposite spectrum.
Someone had to be, I suppose. And if I think about it, I'm not the only one looking forlornly at other's lives and wondering why I got the bread crusts of life. I know there are beautiful patches in my life. It's just that I get blinded by the brightness of other's lives that I can't always see the light in my own.
On top of it, I see a declivity growing between me and a friend. If I'm being honest, it's been there for a while. Sad part is, if she knew it was there, I doubt she'd care much. Sadder part is that I know it's there, and I think I'll let it keep growing.
But I did say I'd try to be more positive this new year, yes?
So the good part of my day was that I had fun in my drawing class. I would like to move on to people, which is where I excel, but right now we're drawing shoes. T_T
Here's a web series called "Guy Moments."
This song is by Michael David Rosenberg, better known by his stage name Passenger, is an English folk-rock singer whose voice is a lot less manly than he looks.
I feel like this song is perfect, given my mood right now.
Here's to carrying on.