I had a very good day.
I've only worn this choker once before, and whenever I do, I expect an unfriendly reception from the high school population at large. But I didn't. I got a lot of positive attention, and smiles. One of my friends told me she couldn't believe I'm single and that I was "practically perfect," which I know is far from the truth, but it was still very sweet of her. And promptly after that a little goth girl, who I've noticed around and always thought was brave for being outwardly goth, was just blown away by my outfit.
It was very pleasant.
But it was tempered when I got on the track and couldn't run a f*cking mile without stopping. I've been running for so many years, and it just isn't feeling any easier. I know it takes time, all things take time, but after four years you start to get really, really tired of waiting. I've only been running hard-core since I was sixteen, but I've been working on cardio endurance since I was in 8th grade. On top of that, my whole family won't stop talking about the military and boot camp, won't shut up about my future and leave me in peace to enjoy my now--the pressure is starting to get to me. I ran so hard today, I realized I was going to faint and cut my exercise short. That's only ever happened to me once before, and that time I actually would have hit the ground if my instructor hadn't caught me. The thing about it is that I don't realize how hard I'm working until I stop to catch my breath and suddenly the world is dimming around the edges.
I won't give up, of course. I've got to keep trying. The only other option is failure.
This reminds me that earlier I was reading Ella Dawson's blog. She's kind of a nobody like me, a post-grad student who I found a little over a year ago on deviantart. I love her writing, though I have my reservations about it. She's a hard-core feminist, it pervades all her opinions, and I just don't like feminism. I know females are oppressed in some ways, but hell, aren't we all? Contrary to what some may think, men are oppressed by women in a similar capacity.
Ella does lots of erotica and monologue-narrative, but there's a freshness, a poetic lull to it that I enjoy, sometimes. I also enjoy reading about collegiate/early-adulthood in general, because that will soon by my future, and she's so honest and blunt about how it feels to be a fledgling to adulthood and yet glosses it with demure descriptions that make it feel more exciting and adventurous than it probably is. Here's her wordpress blog. If you enjoy Upworthy, Huffington Post or TED, you'll enjoy her writing.
Now, because I just got done listening to a bunch of said TED talks, I really want to post one or something of equal relevance because it occurs to me that much of what I post on my blog is irrelevant, but instead I'm going to post this really badass video of how to look emo.
Except that unlike most how to look emo vids, this chick looks seriously badass.
Among many of my favorite music artists of the 80s is Pat Benatar, who sang "Love is a Battlefield," and "Hit Me With Your Best Shot." My absolute all time favorite from her is "Heartbreaker."