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Saturday, March 1, 2014

Color Collage & L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N

I absolutely love this outfit. Every piece of it. Even my green zipper earrings. The whole thing just feels so right.
Today was incredibly windy. Windy like this. 
I felt like poor Dorothy getting sucked up into that tornado. So you can imagine me stumbling to my designated photo-shoot area, walking against the wind. 
I love these shades. 
When I think about how I acquired this Invader Zim hoodie, I truly realize how leniant my mum is. I had been arrested for vandalism, subsequent to which my mom whooped my ass. We were on the way to see my juvie probation officer downtown when we decided we were hungry and got these delicious brotworst dogs with onions on top. (I'm a vegetarian, but sometimes... I cheat) We sat next to the downtown fountain and ate, then went to the mall to kill time before my appointment, and this hoodie was on clearance at Hot Topic and my mom just bought it for me.
Then we went to see my probation officer to divvy up some detentional servitude for me. To be fair, mummy doesn't believe in punishing someone for the same thing twice, so that could be why that day was so very pleasant. And she didn't imply that she despised me that day; that's always a plus.



I remember each pouch and when I got them. The black leather one at a Renaissance fair. The pink one at my mother's wedding years and years ago. The beige one (not visible) from an herbalist, and the dark brown one for a steal at a thrift store. 

I found some sick pictures today. Take a look.


The picture above links to the artist's page. 


Seeing that quote above made me think, I know how she feels. Then I had an image in my mind of Dr. Schultz telling Django German folktales by fireflight in Django: Unchained, when Django said "I git how he feel."



The song I chose is one that's got a special corner in the subcockles of my heart. Not so long ago, I suffered from manic depression. And one time, I was falling off the deep end--it wasn't lethal, painful depression, just what am I doing with my life man depression. And so after wallowing for a while, I picked up an old jounal I'd been given for Chanukah years ago. In it, I used the Socratic method to figure out what could make me happy, to make these episodes end. And the truth is, I'm alive, my ups are too high so my downs are too low. But back then, I was convinced that if I wrote down all my attributes and skills, like writing, riflery, sewing, exercising, all the places I wanted to go and things I wanted to do, if I constructed a bucket list, I could end the depression. And surely a bucket list would help, but I know now that ups and dows are a part of living
While I was drafting my emotional salvation, I was surfing the web when I ran across a song that sang every word I needed to hear. It's sad the words I need to hear are never spoken from those I need to hear them from, but Noah and the Whale spoke them in "L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N," so far be it from me to complain.
This song taught me that everyone is walking their own road, and no road is wrong or right.
It taught me that freedom and peace are neither mutually inclusive nor mutually exclusive concepts.
But better still, it taught me that having shadows in your life is okay. Shadows are the price we pay for standing in the sun. 

~Ash

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