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Sunday, February 2, 2014

Peacock Dress & Blue Oyster Cult

I stayed up last night until the most ungodly hour imaginable, writing stories. So I woke up today and went scrounging for some clothes, bleary eyed and stumbling, and ended up with this. 
The dress is something a friend gave me, but she's thicker and taller than I am, so I had to revamp it by a lot. 
I would have worn combat boots, but I felt like I was wearing them too much lately, and I don't just buy shoes so I can let them sit in a corner and never be worn. 

These converse hold a special sentimentality for me. I bought them when I was thirteen, Lord be good, and they still fit. I remember they had sand under the sole and it took me until I was fifteen to stop taking my foot out of my shoe and have sand grainuals sticking to my feet or the fibers of my sock. 
I think I love these shoes because (besides them being of unique design) they represent my little catharsis a few years back. See, I was always bigger than my peers growing up. My mom used to tell me all the time I was a "big girl" because I had thick thighs, I was stronger than my peers, and in games I always played the boy or the horse or had to push the others on the swings because I was the biggest. So I grew up believing that and even being self-conscious of it until I was around fifteen and a freshmen in high school. I had essentially stopped growing at thirteen (aside from gaining some weight and an inch or two) and my peers grew to be bigger than me. I was confounded by how much bigger than me some of them were, and how average-sized I was in comparison to others. It brought me to the epiphany that I am not overweight or even big. I am average, and even on the petite side. That realization is important to me because it was one of the first milestones I went through before one day being happy with my weight, even proud of it. I still worry about weight and sometimes look in the mirror at my tummy after a big meal and say "ugh girl, you look pudgy".
But at the end of the day, I love my body and I will continue to take care of it so it stays lovable.

Sorry about that rant. I had to go there. 

While I'm going on tangeants, today my friends and I were swimming when Megan started having trouble with her goggles tangling in her hair. She complained that goggles were stupid and annoying while rearranging hers on her face, and Mike said to her, "Oh, whatever, it's not that hard to get hair untangled," and when both she and I reared up to let him realize how wrong he was, she said, "You don't understand, Mike. The struggle is real." It reminded me of this video, which you can totally ignore, but just so you know, it's hilarious.

That was just the bane of my day. Which either means I'm easily entertained or have a really uninteresting life. Ah, well.

Music today consists of Blue Oyster Cult. Lately I've been watching a lot of the television series Supernatural, and I also finished reading Unwind, a novel by Neal Shusterman. Both of them referred to Blue Oyster Cult at the most profound moments and so lately I've been listening to "Burnin' For You" and "Don't Fear the Reaper."
So here's "Don't Fear the Reaper."


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