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Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Spring Comes Fast & Just Breathe

This picture was startling to me. Because in my life, I've dealt with a lot of insecurities about myself, and especially my weight, and only just in the past two years or so have I truly realized that my weight is respectable. Enviable, in some ways (but then again, exercising and dieting like a fiend will do that to you after a while). So it's nice to see a picture where my vague reassurances to my subconscious fear of gaining weight seem to be more than me trying to make myself feel good by lying to myself.

I always get my new year's resolutions halfway through the year. And to be honest, I don't have any new year's resolutions for 2014. Today is just another year and another number to go down in history. It's special, just as special as every other year. My life isn't going to become perfect just because I promised myself it would be while I watch new year fireworks light up the sky. But here in Alaska, the snow has melted early, there are mounds of snow islands and puddles of slush and water in the streets and gutters, which doesn't usually happen until at least March. But somehow, seeing that snow begin to melt before any of us expected it to, it reassures me that these hard years in my life will end faster than I thought they would. That this time next year, I won't even recognize my life. That all this will be over. Finally.
And so I put on "Just Breathe" by Anna Nalick this morning, and I had a nice rainy day. 
It was sort of beautiful.
I wonder how long you have to live in this world, how old you have to get, before you stop looking up at the sky and saying, "That's sort of... beautiful."


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